Archive for April, 2009

I Hate Religion

April 30, 2009

Because it is irrational.

What is “faith”?

Believing  in something that doesn’t exist  just because you want it to exist.

There is no “plan”

Everything doesn’t “happen for a reason”

You didn’t stub your toe because it was ” meant to be”

If I told you that 75  million years ago  Zenu, the ruler of the Galactic Confederacy brought billions of people to earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanos then blew up the volcanos with hydrogen bombs and that bits of these blown up people are still stuck to us now. most of you would laugh.

And yet the group that advances this ” belief” claims 8 million adherents.

And if i told you that I was walking in a desert 200 hundred years ago  where no other european-american has ever trod and a snake popped out from behind a rock,  talked to  me in english , and led me to a pile of rocks with writing on them.

In english, of course.

And these rocks tell the story of how the american indians are really from Israel. And that I will carry these rocks back to the east coast and they will be hidden under a blanket and only i will be allowed to see them and i will slowly read them to the inner circle of cronies over a period of days and that will become the basis for a belief system, you would think that doesn’t pass the sniff test.

Yet the group based on this event  claim 13 million members worldwide.

And is this really any more preposterous than the idea that there is a being  “god” that “created the world” ?

And that “he” has a son who had an earth mother that got pregnant  without going near sperm and that he made an ocean open up on command and that he took his body and floated up to a place in the sky a few days after he died.

And yet the majority of people alive today accept this as an historical fact.

The ideas of one or more  gods,  reincarnation,  animal spirits, or woman being created out of a rib  all have equal amounts of evidence backing them up.

Which is to say, zero.

Of course it’s not the “what” but the “why” of belief that’s the interesting part.

Our collective knowledge and understanding of the world is but a micro percentage of what is knowable, yet compare to what was common knowledge a few thousand years ago;

Most people were illiterate, and never left their village. They had no understanding of the mechanism of disease.

The Internet?  The most advanced people of the day had just figured out how to tie a stick on to an oxen to scrape the ground.

How frightening and random life must have appeared.

Of course we needed a narrative to make sense of it all.

Even just a few  hundred years ago, most europeans  , bathed once a year because they thought it would make you sick, cured sickness with leaches, and thought the world was flat.

For these people having an Invisible Guy In The Sky made just as much sense as anything else.

Look,  I dont know what happens when you die.

But neither do you.

No one has actually died and come back.

it may be that it is unknowable and i’m ok with that.

Our brains might not be up to the task, yet.

And it may be that “science” bumps up to it’s limits there.

But there is not only no evidence of an afterlife,  you have to ask why you would think there is one.

Isn’t this really about fear of death?

What’s that you say? That the world is too amazing to have NOT been created by a “creator”?

Think about that for a second.

Is ” the creator” monitoring every flower being pollinated, every zooplankton getting sucked up by plankton,  every  cell division,  every second forever and ever?

Or maybe,  like Santa,  “he”  has “helpers”?

I often hear “believers” toss back the idea that Science is another religion.

The difference is that the premise  of science  is to actively seek differing views and test them out in the open.

If you have a different theory and can make a case for it with repeatable results,

it may become accepted.   In any case the model encourages open discussion.

As opposed to the  hiding under the blankets that is religion.

So if religion comforts people in their fear by reducing the world to the level of a comic book,  is that bad?

Well, I  think willful ignorance is dangerous.

There is no excuse to believe in primitive fairy tales any more.   Once you stop expecting the daddy figure to rescue you, you can take ownership of  and resposibility for your existence.

We have some serious work to do to figure out how humans are going to keep from wrecking the planet and religious fatalism is an impediment.

It’s ok to not have a religion. Your kids will grow up  just fine without one, also.

Why would you look to a 5000 year old tribal law document as the only word on

ethical and moral behaviour?

For example we  no longer think it’s normal  to sleep with your son’s wife if he dies or to stone people to death without a trial.

And thou shall not kill has turned out to be conditional.

We are going to have to determine as a group what is appropriate social behavior.

We can’t just look it up.

Crawl out from under the blankets.

Once you stop blinking and get used to the light, you will like it out here.

It’s not so scary.



A Worm Is Better Than A Dog

April 28, 2009

First off, they are free.

No need to try and decode the social meaning of different breeds.

You just find some dirt and dig.

If you accidentally  cut  wormy  in half, no problem, they are just a little short until they grow back.

Let’s see a dog do that.

A worm doesn’t need shots.

It doesn’t need to be neutered.

No tags or even a collar.  Unless you really want to.

It dosn’t need to go to worm obedience school.

It doesn’t need a chew toy.

In fact, only thing wormy gonna be chewing is dirt.

No special haircuts and shampoos.

wormy aint got fleas

You are going to be saving some serious money on pet food.

No worm-walker is going to take wormy out everyday while you at work.

And no going for  the walk with a plastic bag three times a day.

No need to board wormy when you go on vacation.

No face licking, privates licking, farting, barking, clawing, jump on stranger, shedding, fighting with other worms here.

Nope, these wigglers is chill.

No embarrassing external genitalia as far as I can tell.

Wormy can converse every bit as good as a dog.

You can use wormy for bait  You can even eat wormy.

Try eating your dog and see what the neighbors say.

You are gonna be saving an average of   five  Ben Franklins a year on vet bills.

When wormy expires, you just dig a new one out. No one will be able to tell.

You won’t get the bragging rights that comes from  having  “rescued” your pet, but you  have self esteem already,

don’t you?

When you finally have  your own human offspring, you wont have to keep wormy around just  because you  are too embarrassed to admit he was a substitute.

Just thrown him back in the garden.

Plus, a worm can eat from either end!

Let’s see your dog try that.



Leaning On The Wal

April 8, 2009

img_0227One of my favorite stores is a chain that started out as a  pharmacy but now sells almost everything.

They do a lot of rebadging

Their house brand has the prefix “wal” in front of all the products.




They have  $3 sweatshirts, packaged “food”, and novelty items like the rubber fish that wiggles

and sings “don’t worry be happy”.

Those are my favorite.


They also have a greeting card section with lots of  what they call “ethnic” cards.

It’s fun to mix them up when giving them to your friends.

One of my favorites was a wife beater card.

“i’m sorry . you know i love you”


I was working through the idea of living entirely out of this one store.

I decided it was possible, but you would be pretty malnourished.

They do have a lot of vitamins and you have the pharmacy there for backup.

That might extend your life another year.


I’m  amazed that you can have huge sections with just pain relievers.

Do we really need 48 varieties?  (i counted them)

And who dreamed up the enormous number of dental products?

My teeth feel happy just thinking about it.


I love to just wander around and experience the dissonant explosion of  the products and packaging all screaming for attention.

Even though they all clash, the total effect,  barely constrained by the bulging shelves, is of a terrifiying and beautiful

Extraterrestrial landscape, with its own eco –  logic.

It’s as if you have crawled inside the television.


There are two of these stores at either end of my hood and they have subtle differences.

One might have A dusty box of made in mexico hair pomade stuffed in the back of a bottom shelf.

Another might have a bigger selection of  rubber beach sandles.

Kind of like exploring different tide pools.

Because they have no windows and are over-lit with florescence, it is always the same time in there.


I like to watch the employees as they constantly restock and rearrange the ever changing yet similar products.


I   wonder what kind of wal-dreams they have,

Things Are Picking Up—My Funky Hood # 10

April 2, 2009


I see this lady all the time in my hood.

I have seen her on more than one ocasion WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY carrying

her load balanced on a stick in full traffic.

If i can safely take a photo next time i see her doing that,  i will.

I have known other old people like her who actually own multiple properties.