Archive for May, 2009

The Hottest Place In Town

May 25, 2009

besides my pants is not an S&M club or a lingerie boutique.

It’s the Hall of Justice.

That place is crackling with sexual energy.

Libidinous ego driven  people with no impulse control that don’t take losing well.

and that’s just the lawyers.

Nothing like squeezing into an elevator with a 19 year old murder suspect, his 34 year old mom in hot pants, his lawyer in 6 inch heels and tight mimi skirt suit, and  one of his girlfriends holding a baby all with  identical expensive handbags and all  wearing too much perfume.

Mix in two cops, one of whom is a substance abusing philanderer on the take, A couple of streetwalkers,

a Judge, a sleazy private investigator,  a drunk  bounty hunter just off his third divorce, and some various people meeting their parole officers.

That’s me in the corner, there to  argue a ticket.

The pheromones given off by  fight or flight  adrenaline ,youth  hormones, angry chemically hijacked brains,  desperation, poverty, wealth, and  boredom,  are a combustible fire hazard.

And I thought those shows about cops and lawyers were fake!

If anything, the  actors  understate the flirty energy in these places.

I just found out an old friend who had served some hard time on drug charges, got a law degree

and  she is now  working for the DA’s office.

I couldn’t make this up.

Head over there and sniff around.


I Hate Cell Phone Companies

May 6, 2009

They are emblematic of the worst of late period  capitalism.

I’m so tired of their tired carny  tricks:

“special introductory rate”

” for a limited time only”

“second one free” ( but you pay the taxes on the inflated “retail” price.

” better hurry”

“additional fees may apply”

You know the drill.

Lots of blinking lights and whirly noises to confuse and distract you.

I pay extra for a “data plan”, extra for “texts”, extra for “going over my minutes” , etc.

Look, it’s all one and zeros.

Once you set up the towers. your costs don’t go up.

And  can anybody make any sense of the rate plans and hidden fees?

Unless you are calling to sign up, you can’t find anyone at these companies

to talk with.

They are opaque by design.

There is no listed  phone numbers or physical addresses.

Even the websites are designed to look helpful  while in fact being a moat

to trap invaders.

When you try and compare plans from the different companies they seem cleverly

constructed to be non equivalent.

Can you say collusion?

I have used almost all of the  different “service providers”, but i’m going to call out AT&T here

as the worst.

My favorite tactic of  at&t was to sneak some small charge on page three of my bill.

Like most people, i dont have time to go over these bills line by line.

So when i call them on it, they say “sorry, our mistake, we will give you a credit on your next bill”.

Not only is the credit not there , next time, but they have snuck in another bogus charge.

Each time i call to  ask them about it, it’s forty minutes of my life i will never get back

followed by  getting “accidentally” disconnected.

Also,  att&t,  how come i get 10 drop outs a day even though i live in the most tech savvy metro area on the planet?

I have a box in the garage with a dozen  broken cell phones.

I’m hard on my stuff, but they  only last me about a year on average.

Why does each one have to have a different  proprietary wall

and car charger?

Why is each phone crippled to run on only one network?

Why do you have to have a “contract” ?

It’s amazing we have the portability law at all.

The companies grouped together to beat down the consumer groups three times until

the law somehow went through.

I view the frequency spectrum as belonging to the public, and we were sold out by companies that

payed  bribes to get in on the giveaway.

I would love to have someone on the inside who works with the accountants  at these companies.

I’m guessing that if they charged us half as much, they would still be making a fortune.

This would have been hard to imagine during the bush years,

but wouldn’t free coast to coast government sponsored wifi be great?

Voice and data every where.

Hello? Hello?

Now can you hear me? Now can you hear me?