Archive for March, 2012

National Puppy Day

March 23, 2012

Since it’s a Holliday , I thought i’d take the opportunity to poop out another dog hating rant on the sidewalk in front of your house.

I just never get over how Americans have anthropomorphized another species into child substitutes.

When my neighbor moved in, she introduced me to her  new dogs by name and waited , beaming proudly.

Was I supposed to write down their names?

Now that one of them is sick, she has stopped working for a few months so she can be home when he dies.

Like he cares.

Despite what people want to believe, dogs are not very smart.

Throw the ball. He brings it back. Repeat five million times.

But what about companionship? And aren’t they loyal? If only humans were so loyal.

Well, stop feeding him and see how long he sticks around. “loyal” to a dog is just a legacy  pack behavior.

Clearly we have adopted this species because they remind us of human children.

In fact we have actively bred them for this very purpose.

All dogs today can trace their ancestry to the same  three wolves, yet unless you are one of the few hunters left in the US , what do you think of when you hear “dog”? Probably not a pack of wolves.

If another species bred us and dressed us to resemble them  and made us into their “pets” wouldn’t  you think that is just a little weird?

So why not have real children, or a spouse, or human friends?

It finally dawned on me why this has become so popular.

People prefer these   relationships to real human relationships because they are by nature self limiting.

That is the point.

They won’t challenge you in any way.

Heck, they don’t even talk.

Of course, the downside is that you never grow in you’re understanding of yourself or others.

So you get a roommate that is way smaller than you so you can feel parent like.

Which is to say, protective and superior at the same time.

He is a mammal with a circulatory system so he feels familiar.

And he is covered with hair so he is soft.

And he has a limited repertoire of actions that you can learn in a day.

He even has this facial grimace which  fools humans into thinking he is smiling.

Silly humans. Such a willfully delusional species.